For the few of you that read this blog I have to apologise for the delay in my latest post as I've just started my summer job and the hours are very long and tiring, which means very little time for writing!
Speaking of my new job, there was a little incident today that, although it wasn't anything major, it did force me to question my ability to do the job. I think Ii'm a fairly confident person and, as Maria von Trapp would say, I do have a great deal of confidence in myself. However, I'm very aware of not coming across as big headed, arrogant or egotistical twit and so sometimes I do doubt myself. I'm sure this is the case for a lot of people, particularly writers. I know that I'm a fairly decent writer but even writing that sentence puts me on edge. Stating that I am somewhat talented opens me up to criticism and ridicule if I cannot back up my claims and the only way to confirm if I am talented is by putting my work out there for other people to read. Therefore, I am one of those people who always downplays their abilities so that I don't risk disappointing anyone. For example, I love the idea of my book and have thoroughly enjoyed the process so far but when someone asks me to explain it to them I am very reluctant to go in to too much detail in case they think that I've bitten off more than I can chew or, perhaps worst of all, that it just sounds awful. I am particularly worried because if the book does end up being a YA fantasy fiction book it may be compared to incredible writers such as Suzanne Collins or J.K. Rowling (now that sentence does sound arrogant) and I would never claim to be as talented as they are. However, believing that I could be targeting a similar audience may be a useful way to inject some confidence in to my writing. Not all writers want to be published or for their work to be read, which is great for them, but I would really like my work to be out in the public arena and I think that a certain degree of confidence is essential in order for that to happen. I know I'm the kind of person who can get things done and I also know that I'm incredibly hard working. I don't believe that this is arrogant but a fact about my personality and I'm not afraid to promote that about me. On the other hand, I would never say that I'm going to be a famous author because a) I can't predict the future and b) the only way to determine my worth as a writer is by the feedback from my readers. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with being confident in your writing by pushing it to new levels or believing that it is a unique story that must be told but you must also write with an attitude of humbleness because thinking you are something doesn't make it true, no matter how much you wish it.
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